What came first, the chicken or the lab?

Utica Chicken Riggies, known for its creamy tomato sauce, succulent chicken chunks, and a generous kick of spice, has long been a staple in Utica's culinary scene. But now, thanks to the wonders of modern science, the "chicken" in chicken riggies could in fact be... well, something else.

The aim of these companies is to reduce the environmental impacts of mass chicken farming and eliminate the needless slaughtering of animals.

So, Utica, I ask you... would you try lab-grown chicken in your precious regional dish? How would that even be advertised? Maybe something like:

Gastronomic geniuses have engineered the most wonderous version of chicken riggies ever! Our beakers are bubbling in excitement to bring you the futuristic flavors of your favorite regional dish like never before! Creamy tomato sauce and cherry peppers envelope our lab-grown chicken in a passionate, synthetic embrace. Be prepared to question reality as you savor every artificial bite!



Warning: Consumption of this dish may result in an existential crisis as you ponder the true nature of poultry and the marvels of scientific innovation. Side effects may include an uncontrollable urge to discuss bioengineering at dinner parties.

...I don't know about you, but I think I'll pass.

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