Why Utica Should Host a Slap Competition: 5 Places it Can Be Held
Perhaps you've heard of the latest "extreme sport" that's been growing in popularity - slapping someone as hard as you can. What fun!
Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for something like this to come around. People have been slapping each other since the dawn of time. I guess it never occurred to anybody to organize and promote it until recently.
For those familiar, an organized slap competition sees two people -- usually men, but not always -- stoically standing over a table while they take very civil turns slapping each other. When one person quits, the other is deemed the winner. Sometimes people are slapped with such force that they get completely knocked out, as if from a punch.
I would love to see an organized slap competition in Utica. The Adirondack Bank Center might immediately come to mind as a host venue, but I believe there are some other places in town that would be better-- y'know, places where tensions run high.
Nobody likes going to the DMV. It's a proven scientific fact that people ahead of you will take longer with their transaction than you will. I can easily see people signing up to slap each other here.
Consumer Square is such a bombastic clusterf*** already that, hell, why not throw a massive competition in the middle of the parking lot? It's already impossible to drive around there, so how much worse could it really get?
UTICA SCHOOL BOARD MEETINGS
Tales of the wrath incurred at these meetings are legendary. Let these angry parents slap each other silly.
What is taking people so damn long?! What in God's name are they ordering?! These people need to be slapped!
ST. ELIZABETH'S WAITING ROOM
My appointment was for 10:30, and it's already 11:15! What the hell is going on?! Arrrrrgggghhh, I'm so angry, I could enter an extremely well-organized combat sport!
Let's bring an official Slap Competition to Utica! Where would YOU like to see it held?!